Three years in SF
I’m writing this after a manhattan, gin martini, and burger at Palmers with Carrie seven months into COVID times. Also writing this on my third year anniversary in SF. If you know me at all… I love celebrating milestones. I really just like celebrating life and reflecting. So… let’s celebrate and reflect!
Leaving NYC was hard. Oh we remember. You’re probably sick of me talking about it. We can read about it here. That move taught me that you can’t have immediate gratification. Big life events take a long time. You graduate college after 16 (!?) years of school, you grow a baby inside of you for nine months, you get to know a partner for years, you need 200+ hours to teach yoga, etc. When I moved to SF I just assumed I’d settle right in, love my life, have a ton of friends, lalala. I experienced quite the opposite. I found myself crying on the bus to work often. Not the time to cry! Could have waited until the bus home. I’ll never forget Instagramming the best picture ever of the more delicious toast (ha!) at The Mill only to find myself missing my friends in NYC more than ever.
I sit here today in my studio that I adore. I remember when I finally came around to thinking about possibly moving to SF and I thought.. I just want to live off Fillmore! And I do. I live near nature. I feel safe. I have a friend neighbor! We drink White Claw and order pizza. I’m friends with folks at the wine bar across the street. I have a boyfriend (!!) who I love. I’m happy. I’m grateful. There isn’t a single thing in my life I feel like I could complain about. But when I look back on these three years… this took work.
When I reflect back on these years they are three very different, distinct years. Clearly first year was hard. But what I learned after that hard year, dark times, and a little too much complaining was I had the power to shift my perspective and attitude. I could wake up and choose happiness. I could wake up and try something new.
I’ll never forget the day. I just woke up and realized that I was complaining SO much. I realized if I hated SF that much then I needed to either leave or change my ‘tude. So I changed my ’tude. I decided to dedicate the next year to being the best year of my life. And it was. I said yes to... everything! I made friends I’ll have for life. I went to Portland, NYC (and I finally wasn’t sad leaving and was excited to go back to SF), Colombia, London, and Berlin. I went on a life changing yoga retreat at Esalen. I went to Garbicz — a MAGICAL music festival in the forest on a lake. And I experienced my third year at Burning Man — my most special year yet. There were moments when I thought… I don’t know how to have more fun than I’m having right now.
Then there came a time for manifesting my current life, which I truly love. September of 2019 I wrote a list of what I wanted in a person. A week later I matched online with that person and on 9/29/19 I grabbed my tried and true rose quartz crystal and met my boyfriend. Side note- It’s a bit odd because I wanted 2020 to be a year where I marinated in my 2019 adventures. A year to slow down and enjoy life. I did not mean for slow down to mean global pandemic but here we are.
If you know me… you know I’ve been single… basically my whole life. “It’ll be easy” “it only takes one” “blahblahblah” while I hate those phrases… it finally made sense. I sit here on my cute couch, in my warm homey studio, with my mainly alive plants, knowing my boyfriend loves me, knowing my friends and family love me, knowing I’m safe and healthy. It’s all I can ask for.
Lately I’ve felt immense gratitude so deeply it’s brought me to tears. Linda M. said it so well… life is full of sorrow but also of joy and new memories to make. Life is hard. You experience deep loss, or cry because you’re just sad or miss someone. Without those deep emotions you don’t know what true joy feels like. Life will always go up and down and I’m grateful that right now, today, I’m healthy, happy, loved, and grateful.
Cheers to 3 years in SF. A city I hated. A city I never thought I’d live in. But a city that’s gifted me perspective and more lessons than I could have imagine.
